# Take A Stand

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When you turn on the news all you hear is Colin Kaepernick and how everyone feels about the situation. It seems that everybody has an opinion about the matter. What makes me scratch my head about the whole thing is that once again the media is in the full front of this mess.

When I first heard about this, what caught my attention was the Breaking news bulletin then the reporter proceeded to talk about Colin Kaepernick not standing up for the National anthem, as I got myself together to go watch my favorite team play what really had me puzzle was why was this Breaking news .

People are being murder at an alarming rate, but Colin Kaepernick was the Breaking news and once again Main stream media is at it again, Colin Kaepernick has not stood up for the National anthem the entire pre-season games so why now is this a news story nobody cared before that he wasn’t standing, or was people upset at what he said.

The first amendment said freedom of religion and freedom of press as well as freedom of speech, I guess that apply as long as you do what the masses want  you to do, and not what people really feel like doing, but what is quite ironic the same people who are in an up roar about Colin kneeling during the National anthem or disrespecting the flag and what it stand for are the same people who are trying to take those same freedom and liberty’s away from Colin Kaepernick for standing for what he believes in.

 

 

Colin Kaepernick  explain why he was taking a stand against the wrongdoings of African and minorities in the United States, not once did Kaepernick said I hate America, or the hell with the military, that was not his message but some how Kaepernick words was turn into he’s anti-American or not patriotic, when in fact Colin is speaking about the injustice  that has happen across America injustice to Oscar Grant, Eric Garner, Mike Brown and the countless other that lost their lives.

To Colin Kaepernick I Commend you while others are pointing fingers and giving words of discouragement you have maintained in your beliefs.( If you don’ stand for something you will fall for anything)

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# middle-aged life crisis

40 is the new 30 (LMBO) well maybe not for the responsible adults 40 is the same old 40 and these are the times you’re planning for your future and your retirement some people are still taking care of school age kids while some others maybe taking care of their aging parents as well.

Throw in spouses or partners along with work and co-workers don’t forget about family and friends all the while you trying to secure your future enjoy your life and maintain your own sanity and peace of mind.  Well welcome to another episode of this is your life I’m your host Realtalkwithmatty today show is midlife crisis destination straight ahead.

 

Can you imagine dealing with all the situations that I just mentioned all at once this could make your life a little stressful all the while you are not trying to lose yourself in the midst of it all. Taking care of your parents can be a job within itself especially if they are used to being independent and now they have to depend on others for help.  Doctor’s appointments making sure their taking medicine on time or even mild suggestions can become a war within itself dealing with your parents especially if you’re dealing with somebody who used to taking care of their own affairs and not answering to anybody this could be problematic and a recipe for disaster and now you got a fight on your hands.

 

 

With a pinch of not cooperating an unwillingness to make change a dash of I raised you fool don’t tell me what to do. Throw in a little bit of stubbornness and now you’re smack in the mist of a battle a middle age battle between you and your parents you might lose some battles but the objective is to win the war to make your parents last moments on earth as peaceful and relaxing as possible.

Now the battle with your parents is enough to deal with by itself but sometimes you face different wars on different fronts as well your kids spouses or partners dealing with family and friends can seem overwhelming at times. One thing that’s important that you need to remember is you need to take care of your star player (you) before you will be dealing with your own midlife crisis.

 

A midlife crisis could be a major life experience such as dealing with the loss of loved ones or a loss of a job an affair maybe the feeling of loneliness or abandonment a divorce this could lead to feeling depression remorse anxiety for others they have desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes in their lifestyle.

Dealing with all the situations that I mentioned earlier can be quite overwhelming at times the parents kids spouses or partners work and coworkers all the while you’re trying to take care of your own needs. In these times one thing you have to remember is you have to take care of yourself and make time for yourself to enjoy life regroup and relax. Your no go to any one if you’re somewhere upset and stress.  Remember you can only control you and your actions. And to those who have not experience this yet. Midlife crisis coming to a lifestyle near you.

 

#My Happiness 

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Two years ago I had a real talk moment with myself and I didn’t like the answer that I got.  Have you ever been fed up with grown ass people who has nothing better to do then keep some type of drama going like an episode of Love & Hip Hop.

That was me two years ago just tried of the drama and gossip the same old daily routine.   For me it serve no purpose to give my point of view on someone else situation especially if the person didn’t ask me for my view on the matter nor am I doing anything to make their problem better.

If I’m minding my own business and taking care of my own affairs that doesn’t leave me with a lot of  time to be worried about any body else life or situations.  I’m too busy securing my own peace of mind and happiness to medal in anyone else life once I adapted this method life became a whole lot easier for me.

I control my own happiness


Always remember misery loves company and always looking for new friends to add to its ever-growing list of miserable people looking for drama conflict stress is not just a way of thinking but a way of life.   For me I rather be happy and stay positive.     A great mindset with positive thoughts bring positive energy .

Think about it in this perspective when you trying to live healthier you eat right exercise diet all in the hope for a better life  the same could be said with your mindset positive thoughts bring positive energy and positive result.   If you do this with your body you should also do the same with your mind when you start eating healthy you eat plenty  of fruits and vegetable.  So we can say the same thing about ones mindset.   Positive perspective self-esteem and appreciate what they all ready  have will be a key ingredient to ones happiness.

One of the most importing thing in life is ones peace of mind and happiness and you shouldn’t let anyone dictate it for you no one should never have that much power over your life and your happiness.  Happiness is found when you stop comparing your life to other people and started appreciate yours.   Sometimes we put too much stock in other people through and feeling and not enough into our own stock. Happiness lies within you sometimes you just have to give it a chance.

 

 

 

# Mr. Drama Queen

Men I need help  contact me as so as possible.  I have misplaced my men handbook and I need a new copy because there have been some new changes made that I haven’t been informed of.

The first question I have is when did men become so needy ( so Mr. Drama Queen ) I mean they act like they can’t do nothing for them self, Nothing. 

Think, read, write, talk,  laugh, cook, clean, smile,  and live, they make everything seem like a daunting task when it comes to some men.  Theirs nothing worst them a grown man crying  and whining all the time but don’t do anything to help their own situation  but always looking for someone to bail them out.  One thing they can do quite well is keep drama going.

I understand that everyone learns at their own pace, we all suppose to grow and mature at some point in our lives but for some men they don”t even try nor do they try to learn still waiting for someone to do it for them.  They seem more worried about gossiping and keep drama going then living life and learning how to take care of their self.

I know life can be a scary thing sometimes but you still have to put on your big boy pants on and embrace it start with positive thoughts and  positive energy or are you going to do keep hiding running and ducking from adulthood and your responsible.   Well if this is your through process you need to have a realtalk moment with yourself and ask how has that method of thinking been working out for you so far.

I said earlier that their nothing worse than a man whining all the time, well a gossiping man runs a close second.  Gossiping what section is that under character flaw I can’t find it.   I must have missed a couple of meeting or didn’t get the memo about the change when did men become so damn dramafied.

Men now days are worst then women when it comes to gossip starting shit and keeping drama going all the time.  When did men become so much attention whores that they want  to be notice all the time and it doesn’t matter to them were it comes from men or women just as long as they get the attention that they are seeking.   Now if you don’t participate in the foolishness with them (they acting like they have their very own tv drama show)  dramafied people usually get emotional and get mad at you.

Sometimes I feel like Dwayne Wayne it’s a different world from where I came from,  I remember when men sole purpose was   going to work to take care of their family, now they seem more comfortable causing confusion and drama.

We all have choices in life you can choose to live with drama or you can choose to live positive.  Positive thoughts bring positive energy brings a positive mindset in the end it’s all up to you.

 

Are you a person that’s thirsty and craves attention all the time does this sounds like you if so call now  to enter the Mr. Drama Queen of the year contest dial 1-888-8888 operators are standing by.  You must be dramafied to enter the contest, the grand prize is a Diamond Tiara from drama-r-us you also win a year supply of me telling you that Real Men Don’t Gossip sit your ass down.  Now that’s Realtalk.

 

# True friend 

Have you ever dealt with a person at work or maybe at some type of social gathering and you know that this person is not your cup of tea for what ever reason, but you still try to be cordial but this person telling everyone how you are the best of friends knowing that y’all are not.

 When you say the word  friend what does this mean to you?  For some people this is a  lifetime commitment for other it’s a  when I need you bases commitment.  Asks yourself this question which person are you.

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Are you the one that’s there for someone right or wrong good times as well as bad the one to give your surpport , a kind word or sometimes just to listen. A true friend will tell you the honest true even when you don’t want to hear it,  that one that look out for you  their true motives is your well being. 

Or are you the so call friend who talks behind people backs only to seek out that same person for help (now that’s a special snowflake.  ) that same type of so-called friend who only calls when things go wrong an they need your help, never check on you to see how you are doing, but they know your number for the latest gossip or if they need your help they got you on speed dialed. 

We all go through this sometime in our life, mine time was about 4 years ago. I had to step back revaluet some of my so-called friendship they were a little to one sided for me.  We all have our own lives and the rigger of everyday life is a job in its self but in this day and age were you can contact people dam near every way you can imagine ( phone call, texting,  e-mail, video chat, carried penguin, and  coming soon the tongue phone, LOL ) theirs no excuses not to stay in contact with someone if they are your True Friend. 

Just because this person is your childhood friend, or your blood relative, your co-worker or your Husband or Wife no one should take your friendship for granted. 

 

 

 

#Your memory lives on

Losing a love one is never easy And for me these last couple of weeks has been a difficult times of for me. One of the last elder statesmen in my life. Douglas Barns has pasted away  it’s been a rough moment. When I think back to when I was a child Doug always took the time to talk to me and always gave me words of encouragement even when I didn’t want to hear them.

I remember one time as a kid I got in trouble in school for (who knows I stayed in trouble) and back then  when I was growing up the whole family would  talk to you in an effort to put you on the right path, this particular time Doug was one of the people who came talk to me and this particular  day, well I wasn’t trying to hear what he had to say ( young smelling my self )  I guess that pissed Doug off because the next thing I know he had me hind up in the hallway telling me listen here jack as he had a few choice words for me but that just who Doug he would give you encouragement when you need It, but he would also give you a tongue lashing as well all in the same tone never raising his voice.

My last year of high school I was in a work study program  I had a chance to work at the hospital that Doug work for. My second week working there I happen to run into Doug he asked me how was  the job coming along then he proceeded to introduce me to different staff members and told them to keep an eye out for me that just who Doug was always looked out for people.

I got to see first hand how Doug interact with the many staff members and patience when it came to Doug it didn’t matter about gender, religion, races, or classicism he loved people and they all love him.

 

As I sit in the chapel listing to all the difference speaker talk about how Doug was a good man, a great employee,  a spiritual man the best grandfather and a tremendous coach but for me he was family.  They say it takes a village to raise a child I agree, It was just blessing to have some strong tribal leaders in my life.  Man like Matthew, Jerry,  Rozell, Alonzo, Charles, and Doug these were the men in my life that taught me right from wrong showed me a strong work ethic and in still morals and values into my everyday life and help made me the man I am today and for that I will always be thankful.

Nathaniel Douglass Bond Sr. has coach countless kids thought out his life time. Doug was more than a football coach he was a life coach for so many as well,  His name and legacy will always live on.

# Who are you

Who are you?    When you ask someone this question there’s two thing you need to do to see if the person is telling you the truth about their self,  by listening to their own  words and watching their action. No one can teach about their self better than the teach them self.

You know the old saying actions speak louder than words and that’s true but it only give you half of the equation without the words you can’t get a true understanding of how a person really think, feel, or act in certain situation, for me you can’t have one without the other. # Words

People will sell you a wet dream all day every day if you buy into it, but there true nature and the real them can be seen in their actions and their words.

No one person has the answer to every question.  You might ask 10 random people what’s the capital of Nevada or what are the 3 branch of government are and out of the 10 if you can get 4 people to answer either of the questions is good, but when someone ask you who are you that’s one question that every person should have the answer to.

Some time as people we focus on the present or our future but try to hide our past or maybe forget it altogether  your pasted is a part of you,  it’s your history, your heritage and should be in brace, if for nothing more than inspiration or just a learning experiencing it’s still part of you and  your make up as a person so you can accept who you really are You are what you are or keep lie to yourself and others on what you’re pretending to be.

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People will try to convince you  how they’re a good person or try to tell you who they really are, in the end your real representative will show up soon or later. You can talk all day and tell people who you are but your words are hollow with out the actions to go along with it.  Your actions will always tell the truth about who you really are.

I married to this fucker so I need to make this work.

It’s been 2 and a half years since me and her got together at first I thought it was a thing to do just to past the time but the more we spent time together the more this has grown. You been with me the whole time even when others have doubted me you didn’t I dedicated this to you  Realtalkwithmatty.com for  believing in me seeing my hopes my dreams and my vision.

 

I remember when I first started writing my blog I was excited as a little kid, I wanted to tell every one about my blog, the website, and what I was  writing about  and some of the topics  that i wanted to discuss for a small few they had genuine love for me and wish me the best while others was staring at me like i had three heads on my shoulders, a couple of people  had the upset stomach look ( as if to say what do you want to do that for)  it was at this moment that i knew to stop talking about my blog everything is not for everybody. You can’t expect someone to understand your passion, drive, or vision if they don’t have the same focus, desires, will power as you.

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People fear what they don’t understand and criticize  anything that is different from what they know or normally do  getting someone to see your vision might be  a waste of your time and energy,  and let’s be honest do you really want those type of people around you with their doubt and negativity surrounding you trying to kill your dreams.  Those type of people we call  dream killers they don’t have vision  and can’t understand yours don’t know art and not willing  to learn about it, they don’t want nothing out of life and hate to see anyone else trying to do something  good in life.

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You can’t live your dreams through someone else eyes you have to walk your own path .  As long  as  you have creators  artist  visionary there will always be hater, naysayers, and doubter, the dream killers their to discredit you the first chance they get. I read something the other day that caught my attention the message said there will always be someone who can’t see your worth, don’t let it be you.  People will discredit you all day everyday and twice on Sunday  these dream killers might be at your church, school, work, hell mite even be in your own home they will doubt your passion your vision but you should never doubt yourself if you don’t take yourself serious who will .

 

I dedicate this to Akio Evans, Unorthodox Visionz and Tana let no ones thoughts confine you live your dream and embrace your vision . As for myself  I’m married to this fucker  so I’m going to make this work.

 

 

# You said you was grown then act like it.

Being grown is more than you reaching a certain age, it has to do more with being a mature  responsible adult, even when other adults may be acting childish doesn’t mean you have to. You don’t get no awards for acting like a responsible adult nor should you, you should carry it like a grown up because it the right thing to do.   At the end of the day everyone is responsible for their own actions even if they don’t think so.

In today’s society pointing finger is the new keeping it real, it’s more easy to blame someone for else for your problems then for you to take ownership for your own actions.

Why don’t people take personal responsibility for their own actions anymore. As a society in whole we  are quick to play the blame game on someone else,  it’s never  your fault someone else has to take the blame. It’s their fault why you got fired, why you didn’t get that promotion etc you and your actions didn’t have nothing to do with any of this.

I spoke about this in my last blog (# Your not a special snowflake) people walk around oblivious to their own bull crap and think that you have to deal with it like you are obligate to them, never willing to take ownership  for their own actions. As much as people try to pass the buck or blame someone else for their misfortunes, it comes a time in everyone life when they have to face  adversity head on. The question now  is are you going to take ownership for your own actions like a grown person does or are you going to keep pointing fingers and  blaming everyone else for what going wrong with your life. (The choice is yours)

# Million Man March

Realtalkwithmatty

It’s been 21 years since the first Million man march on October 16, 1995 this day will ever be etched in my mind. This day was a day of love, peace, brother hood.  Hope for my race as a  man and father, hope for the future. I remember everyone was talking about going to dc We made a plan to go to hear the many speakers and to listen to what everyone had to say about the day of atonement what started out as a group of 25 people turn to an army of one.

One by one they started to back out of the plan,  Mike said he wasn’t going because he feared for his life so he didn’t go,  Kip said his mother thought that the Government would bomb D.C so he backed out once the dust settled I was the only one still going.

The days leading…

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# Million Man March

 

It’s been 21 years since the first Million man march on October 16, 1995 this day will ever be etched in my mind. This day was a day of love, peace, brother hood.  Hope for my race as a  man and father, hope for the future. I remember everyone was talking about going to dc We made a plan to go to hear the many speakers and to listen to what everyone had to say about the day of atonement what started out as a group of 25 people turn to an army of one.

One by one they started to back out of the plan,  Mike said he wasn’t going because he feared for his life so he didn’t go,  Kip said his mother thought that the Government would bomb D.C so he backed out once the dust settled I was the only one still going.

The days leading up to the march I thought about backing down and not going, the United states past history shows that when it comes to Blacks in America they don’t always play fair or by the rules but something inside of me kept telling me to go.    At the time I was working at Nations Bank and if you wanted to go to the march they would let you have the day off.     As the  day approach I was excited and nervous at the same time, excited about the  day and hope for the future and nervous about the unknown of what to expect once i made it to dc..

 

As I arrived at the train station to purchase a ticket I looked  around and saw Black men everywhere, the turn out was big not only was there a large crowd but everyone was getting along ( that’s something I thought I would never see in a lifetime) there was no egos,  no drama,  no one trying to see how tough they where just one common goal unified.  It was so packed in the stations that I had to look around to find a seat.  Once I found a seat I  sat down  checking  out my surrounding (  where I from you have to B-more careful ) still looking around in amazement to see how many men was at the station when one guy stood up and said let’s get pumped we’re going to Washington DC baby make some noise everyone started clapping their hands then we heard the train to DC was about to pull into the station.

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As everyone started to get on the train seats was going quick , I was walking through the cars hoping to find a seat finely after six different cars I found a seat.  I set next to a man name Marcus this was quite ironic this is also my son’s name i thought about taking my son with me to D.C. at the time he was 5 but the uncertainty of what lies ahead made me change my mind. Me and Marcus talked all the way their about what we hoped would happen at the march a day of atonement and the future of our race then I heard the announcement that we have arrived in Washington D.C.

Once we got off the train Marcus  said he knew the way to National Mall  so I followed him as we were walking towards the march the crowd begin to get larger and larger as we walked around meeting people from all over the United State everybody giving us warm greeting I met people from Alabama, California, Texas, Denver and Portland.

One person that I would never forget was Dave from Alaska at first I thought that he was joking then later that day I found out he was telling the truth. Dave was the first person  I have ever met from Alaska let alone a black man living in Alaska had never cross my mind that day my mind-set was opening up to a lot of new things. Dave spoke about  a better future  for Black men in America how we all have a personal responsibility to our self, our family , our community and our race.  Everyone started to head over to hear the many speakers  Dr. Benjamin Chavis jr,  Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, Rev. James Bevel and Ayinde Jean Baptiste who at the time was 12 years old  just to name a few for me the speakers was just an encore the bigger prize for me was to see all those Black men  with different religious beliefs, views, and back grounds coming together for one common goal and getting along.

Speaking from someone who was at the march to see so many Black men approximately 1.5 Million to 2 Million at one event this site was something to behold, this  also gave me hope as a Black Man for my community, and my race. I have seen first hand the power of unity, it’s truly a beautiful thing, we have to remind our self that it starts with us we first have to learn how to love and respect one another once we do that we can start a path for a better tomorrow.

Who will save us? / We will save our self # Who will save us?

 

# Mighty Men series 1

 

 

 

You can prepare for something if you know that it’s coming, but the unknown always seem to hurt the most. Could you imagine that today is a new beginning for you and your tomorrow is gone forever. Imagine if this happens to you.

On your way home from work thinking about spending time with your wife and your kids, it’s been a long week at work you’re just glad to be off.   As you ride home you wonder what’s for dinner and what are you and your beautiful wife are going to do with the kids this weekend,  your happy  loving life you don’t have a care in the world, but all that is about to change.

What you thought was going to be a weekend of fun has turn into your personal Nightmare  what would you do if  you just found out that the woman you been in love with for 20 years was having an affair, what would be your first reaction, would you be hurt,  resentment betrayed maybe even breakdown and cry, probably all the above.

Every thought probably running through your mind, what went wrong, was it her fault was it my fault did I do something wrong, or did she just fall out of love with me how could she just throw away 20 years of marriage, 20 years of memories and she just thrown it away like it was old news, to sit and watch your whole world crumble in front of you could be devastating, your partner,  lover, a friend  has just turn your world up side down.

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A  relationship can be compared to tag team wrestling,  you and  your partner work well together you have chemistry  dam near finishing each other sentences, you are the best at what you do both having each others back taking on all challengers  sitting on top of the world you think that you and your partner are on the same page as you turn for a tag, out of no were you get hit  with a chair (well I didn’t see that coming)  as you sit there dazed and confused wondering why.  (sometimes in a relationship you can feel that way)

20 years of marriage is a long time, 20 years worth of joy, pain, love, hate, and memories you my say that for all those years you are entitled to the truth that you have the right to know  the truth about everything for a peace of mind, and some closure sometimes in life we seek the truth only to come away with more question in these times you have to let go and let god take care of it.

As you try to cope and figure out what happened what went wrong you have to take time and look at your part in the relationship. We as people like to talk about what the other person did in the relationship or how bad they had treated you, but what about your part people can only do what you allow them to do you are the question and the answer .

 

You can complain about why do someone keep treating you wrong ( the question) because you allow them to treat you that way ( the answer)  relationship is hard work and it take  both parties to make it work, a lot of communication, love, trust, honesty,and respect the moment you take the other person for granite there will be problems you can assume that the person know how you feel but it is up to you to express how you really feel remember the old saying a close mouth don’t get fed. Asked yourself who going to take care of you better than you remember love your star player first.

 

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